Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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