Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
