it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
