this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
