im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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