Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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