i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize