I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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