Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry about my life...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
