I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
