Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
