He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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