apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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