Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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