And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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