Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
