If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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