90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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