I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
