ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
