No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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