he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
