dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
