So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
