Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
