Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
