I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
