kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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