friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
