Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
