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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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