they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
