On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
