oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
