wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
