Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize