he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
