haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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