My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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