I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize