airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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