Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
