so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just pee around me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
