I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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