Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize