you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
