So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
