cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize