he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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