cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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