Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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