Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
