i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
