yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
