I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
