Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
