Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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