Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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