The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
did i just pee glitter
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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