Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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