i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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