You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
