from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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