drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
worst night to have a conscience
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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