Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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