does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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