Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
40s are totally the cure
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
