Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
