got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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