you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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