It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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