Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
