Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
