no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize