that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
