Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
