I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
