Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
