hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
