i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just want nice things and good sex
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
