Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
