Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize