That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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