Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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